Into the Wardrobe

I was in the basement of Shangri-La Edsa last night taking my Burger King Whopper and King-Kong sized soda when I decided to have a look around. It was a big mall after all! I went to the uppermost floor and found a variety of people milling about. More like celebrities, actually. I'm sure my wife would have gone starstruck again if she saw Janice de Belen, Nancy Castiglione, and a host of other people who are strangers to me. I know, I know. If I were with you and you would excitedly hop about because you saw a calebrity and I can't relate, you would bonk me on the head.

At any rate, I saw this rectangular form up ahead covered in white cloth. What's this? I removed the white drape and saw before me a magnificent, wooden wardrobe with intricate carvings of trees and animals. I've never been inside a wardrobe before so I opened the door and took a peek inside. Just old coats with the smell of mothballs.

But wait ... I felt a cold breeze sweep through my face. Air conditioning? Inside a wardrobe? I ventured a step inside. And another. And another. The wardrobe is bigger than it looks from the outside! Further and further I trudged until I felt some twigs and branches and cold snow crunched on my every step. Strange.

Soon enough I was at the edge of a clearing. It looked like I was in the woods in wintertime. And strangely enough, there's a lamppost in the middle of it all! After some time, I felt something moving along, walking nonchalantly towards the lamppost. It was the Cherry flavored Ampalaya! She stared at me. I think it takes more than a human to surprise her.

"Want your picture taken? This is your first time here in Narnia after all, Son of Adam," she said. "Sure," I replied. She took my camera phone and I stood near the lamppost to have my picture taken.
Cherry then recounted how a company of four humans have already entered Narnia before me to fulfill the prophecy, so she now wonders where I fit in because there's supposed to be only four, not five humans. She suspects I'm a hobbit. "But I have bad news," Cherry said bitterly. "I'm not supposed to divulge anything that will consitute a spoiler, so let me just tell you that a lot has happened already, and the White Witch has dealt a terrible blow to our heroes' company. They are now off to war. You better hurry if you want to see the excellent CGI to make the battle scenes." I nodded and asked if I can have some Turkish Delight first. "No!", she exclaimed. "Turkish Delight is what turned things upside-down here in the first place. Besides, I think you need to cut down on your calories."

I shrugged, and upon a wave of her ampalaya wand, a griffin appeared. I hopped on its back and set off to the battlefield. It was the strangest scene I have ever encountered. Ogres, Minotaurs, fiends, giants, wolves, on the side of the White Witch as she rode a sled pulled by polar bears. And on the side of the Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve were fauns, noble centaurs, griffins, leopards, lions, even a rhino. It was a scene out of a fairy tale book and yet there they were, as real as the battle for Middle Earth.

The White Witch (who looked so much like the Angel Gabriel in the movie Constantine, I wonder why ^_^) put on a stellar performance.

I saw the battle end and stayed on in Narnia until Cair Paravel once again ruled all of Narnia. I had lots of fun staying there, from the time Lucy first discovered the wardrobe to the end. The end being the Cherry flavored ampalaya visited me in Cair Paravel and bitterly told me that I have to leave Narnia.

"Why?", I asked incredilously.
"Wanna have movie tickets to King Kong, Superman, X-Men 3, Indiana Jones 4, Iron Man, and Wonder Woman?", she asked. (Wishiiiing!)

So without beating an eyelash, I grabbed my things and ran for the wardrobe. I'm sure I'll return in Narnia. With my wife, with Harry, with whoever wants to treat me to the movie. ^_^

Thanks Cherry for the premier!