Through the barricades

We've had another milestone in our family recently. My daughter has started Middle School. It would be like a rite of passage for her; gone are the carefree Prep School days. I am confident though that, like his older brother, she will do well.

One thing I am thankful for is that they did not inherit my loner attitude. Frankly, I do not like going out of my way to do or go to just about anything. If you look at our wall full of photos out and about with friends, you'd think I'm a carefree, outgoing kind of guy. Well I'm not. Sure, I do enjoy my time with close friends, and I do appreciate the fact that they keep up with my oddness. But beyond my close set of friends I find it difficult to maintain some semblance of kinship. I like a quiet existence. 

It has its disadvantages though. This reminds me of a time in my high school days when I let an opportunity pass me by. The school was hosting a Spelling Bee contest. I knew I can do well but didn't sign up. I was content to see how it all panned out as an onlooker. After the last word was spelled out, I knew could have easily gotten second or third place. Regret? I did feel tinge. But whatever will be, will be.

Be it in my personal life or at work, I would rather have my work speak for itself. Which is a bit of a challenge in most places where (based on personal experience) being vocal and fluent is highly desired. Yes, highly desired, but you know how a container with a handful of stones produces a loud noise when you shake it? Sometimes there's just a handful of stones in there. But enough about me.

My two kids have a sort of quiet confidence in them. They never fail to amaze me. I'm soooo proud to be their dad. They have accomplished much compared to how I was in this same age and I would like to support them as much as I can.

Which, going back to old loner me, can be quite a challenge. But, for as long as there is a photo op, I will keep smiling for them.

Blue Christmas

This one's a sad story and very much a personal one.

When I was a kid, I became acutely aware of just how we struggled financially as a family. Sure, there was enough for daily sustenance and my parents managed to make ends meet, but there was no room for anything else. I realised this when I, along with my younger brother, became friends with some neighbourhood kids. Of special note were three kids who were very much well-off; they owned a department store along Session Road! It was through them that I was introduced to Lego. Those awesome, colourful bricks that you can build whatever you want; your imagination is the limit. I was amazed at how they could use two car doors and some small bricks to build a nimble spaceship. Star Wars, Transformers and space-themed shows were all over place in the 80s and we would build moon bases and explore. I thoroughly relished every opportunity to play Lego at their place.

One Christmas time, I wanted Lego so much that I kept asking Nanay if she can buy me one. Even the smallest set will be fine. She asked me to write to Santa instead. I remember vividly how I folded a letter size bond paper into two and meticulously drew a Christmas tree with gifts underneath, then wrote to Santa, with all my heart, that I had been a good kid and all I wanted as a Lego set. Even the smallest set will make me happiest kid; I knew it was my only hope at owning one. Then I placed my card by the tree come Christmas evening.

The next morning I rushed to the tree, excited to find my wish fulfilled. Instead I found a red, plastic Volkswagen and a handwritten note in my card. Santa said he'd run out of Lego and has given me the car instead. I was disheartened, but something also dawned on me. I recognised the handwriting; it was my Nanay's. It was a double whammy for me. I did not get Lego, and I discovered the truth behind the magic of where the special gifts and sweets in our homemade stockings come from.

As a child I was obviously disappointed but somehow forgot all about it as the years went by. Inadvertently, this memory resurfaced when my Nanay passed away. I felt much sadness at how my parents must have tried to make each Christmas the best ever with what little resources we had, and I cannot imagine how my Nanay must have felt that one Christmas morning when she was not able to give what I wanted.

Since then, it's been a very difficult time for me during Christmastime. We still put up decorations for the kids, but I have gradually stopped playing Christmas songs altogether :-(.

Last year, my friends initiated a secret Santa gift swap. I listed four things my secret Santa can choose from. I managed to get two gifts, one of which is extra special to me: a small Lego set. 

Last week, when most of the holiday busyness has subsided, I sat in quite contemplation with a cup of coffee and my special gift. Brick by brick, I slowly built my ship.

A wave of nostalgia filled me; flashbacks of her busily cooking in the kitchen while I occasionally snuck in for taste tests, watched TV specials, with our record player blaring Christmas songs, and the anticipation of a noche buena feast.

I'll add a string to this and place it on the tree next year.

I miss my Nanay so much.

Santa Claus is coming to town

Last night, my daughter and I watched a Christmas classic: Santa Claus is coming to town. It's a Rankin/Bass stop-motion special that's one of the staples of my childhood.

While watching, I narrated to Christine how, as kids, we didn't have VCRs or streaming services (or the Internet for that matter!), but we knew that RPN-9 (one of the local TV channels would start broadcasting these goodies come September. So on weekends we would check out the channel mid-afternoons and we would inevitably be able to catch either this, or the more popular Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, or the cartoon Frosty the snowman.

When I got this DVD set, this was when I  learned that there was actually a Little Drummer Boy special as well. So that's a bonus!

I told my daughter how we didn't even know these had colour because we only had a black and white TV! And in those segments where the movie fades out and fades in are where TV commercials are inserted which is essentially toilet break for us or time to grab something to eat.

For us back then, watching these favourites signalled the coming of the Christmas season and of good things to come. I still turn to these simple joys when the 'ber months come rolling in.

Watching this last night gave me warm fuzzies. My daughter also appreciated it, being a sort of origin story for Santa Claus. Now she knows how Santa met Mrs Claus, why he goes through chimneys, why he gives toys, how the reindeer received the power of flight, and how stockings figure in all this!

Interestingly enough, I found this special on YouTube. Enjoy!